Caution, Trust, Friendship, Love
by WarriorsSlashLove
Summary: --"Always, it seemed, Ashfur chose the wrong cat."-- Ashfur learns the four most important lessons of life. AshSoot, AshSquirrel, AshWhite, AshLion. SLASH, don't like, don't read. Posted Chapter 2/?
1. Caution

**Title: **Caution, Trust, Friendship, Love  
**Author:** WarriorsSlashLove  
**Rating:** T/PG13  
**Genre:** Angst, Romance  
**Characters/Pairing:** AshSoot, AshSquirrel, AshWhite, AshLion  
**Warnings:** Slash, AU  
**Summary:** Ashfur knew he was doomed from the day he was born.  
**Disclaimer:** Any and all characters mentioned in this story are property of Erin Hunter. I am not making any money off this story, and no copyright infringement was intended.

* * *

Always, it seemed, he picked the wrong cat. When he was little, an apprentice, a young warrior, it had been Sootfur he'd wanted. His hopes, his dreams, everything revolved around Sootfur. Ferncloud was the only one he could tell. She was his sister; no one else would understand.

Gray and gray, he remembered thinking, back when they were both apprentices. They deserved to be together, didn't they?

"I'm going to tell him," he announced to Ferncloud one day, when they were deep in the forest, where no one would hear.

Ferncloud gasped. "No, Ashfur!" she exclaimed. "You can't!"

He frowned. "Why not?"

"He… He wouldn't understand," she said quietly.

He scoffed. "Of course he would! Why wouldn't he?"

"Well… I've seen him looking at another cat," Ferncloud admitted.

Ashfur's heart dropped. "What? Who?" he demanded.

She shifted uncomfortable. "Well… Oh, Ashfur, I don't know if I should tell you."

"Of course you should!" he protested.

She looked unsure. "It… Squirrelpaw."

His eyes almost popped out of his head. "An _apprentice?_"

"He was an apprentice not so long ago," she pointed out.

He started pacing. "It can't be true! He loves me, I know it! He just doesn't realize it yet."

"Ashfur, he's a tom," she reminded him gently.

His head snapped up. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well…" She hesitated. "Ashfur, toms are supposed to love she-cats, not other toms."

"Says who?" Ashfur demanded.

"StarClan, who else?" Ferncloud said, looking surprised.

"There's nothing about it in the warrior code," he said.

"Well, maybe there should be," she murmured.

He stared at her despairingly. "I'm your brother. You're supposed to support me."

"I do!" she wailed. "But Ashfur, it's not natural. Toms don't love other toms. Not the way you love Sootfur."

"You don't know that," he snapped. "Maybe there were others at some point. Maybe they never told anyone. Maybe they were scared."

"They should be!" Ferncloud retorted. "Ashfur, it's not right!"

"Unless StarClan themselves tell me that, you won't stop me!" Ashfur snarled. "No one will!"

He turned and stalked away. Ferncloud could only stand there, helpless and knowing there was nothing she could do.

* * *

The thing about Ashfur and Sootfur, the thing everyone always forgets, is that they were related. Half-brothers, with the same father, Whitestorm, Firestar's first deputy. It was easy to pass off Ashfur's interest in Sootfur as friendship, or older sibling protectiveness. After all, Clan cats tend to see no more than they want to.

Still, Ashfur wasn't stupid. He knew that his feelings for Sootfur would not be accepted by the Clan. If they found out, it was likely that he would be punished, forced to change, or worse, exiled from the Clan. But it had never been hard for Ashfur to conceal his feelings. Loving him was natural. It was just the way that Ashfur was. But love like this, as Ferncloud reminded him, between two toms, was _not_ natural.

He pushed these thoughts out of his head. Surely there had been some other tom, somewhere, sometime, that had loved another tom the way he loved Sootfur.

Now, Ashfur approached his half-brother, giving him a week smile. Coming out, he decided ,was _not_ fun.

"Hey, Sootfur," he said. "Can we… Can we talk?"

Sootfur frowned. "What's up, Ashfur?"

"Nothing," Ashfur assured him. "I just wanna talk to you."

"Sure." Sootfur stood and shot a smile at Squirrelpaw. Ashfur's heart skipped a beat. _Is Ferncloud right?_

"Catch you later, Squirrelpaw," Sootfur said. Ashfur could have sworn he saw the ginger she-cat roll her eyes.

Sootfur followed Ashfur out of the camp and up to the top of the ravine. From there, shfur would easily be able to see and scent anyone coming.

He took a deep breath and turned to Sootfur. The gray tom was studying him curiously.

"What's going on, Ashfur?" Sootfur asked.

Ashfur swallowed. No point in beating around the bushes. "Sootfur, I love you."

Sootfur burst out laughing. "Good one, Ashfur. Now what's up?"

Ashfur frowned. "Sootfur, I'm not joking," he said.

"Of course you're not, Ashfur. Now come on, what were you gonna tell me?"

"That _is_ what I was gonna tell you!" Ashfur said despairingly.

Sootfur frowned. "So you dragged me out here just to tell me some stupid joke? Ashfur, I can't believe you!"

"No, Sootfur, I—!" Ashfur started, but Sootfur cut him off.

"Thanks Ashfur," the other tom snapped. "You made me miss a meal with Squirrelpaw for nothing!"

He turned and stalked away. Ashfur could only stand there, helpless and knowing there was nothing he could do.

* * *

That was the first lesson: Approach everyone and everything with caution.


	2. Trust

**Title:** Caution, Trust, Friendship, Love**  
Author:** Warriors/3**  
Rating:** T/PG13**  
Genre:** Romance, Angst**  
Characters/Pairing:** AshSoot, AshSquirrel, AshWhite, AshLion**  
Warnings:** Slash, AU**  
Summary:** Ashfur knew he was doomed the day he was born.

* * *

It really didn't make sense, did it? You would think that, after Sootfur, he would have learned some sense, would have learned the first lesson: caution.

But no. It would take the second lesson, and a she-cat with wandering faith, to teach him what he had to know.

* * *

In every Clan, there's one cat that every tom wants to get a piece of. Intelligent, strong, brave… And of course, being pretty helped.

In ThunderClan, that cat was Squirrelflight.

She met every one of those requirements. There was no doubt of her strength. She could match any warrior in battle without tiring. Her intelligence sometimes came into question, though that was only when her bravery outmatched it.

As for being pretty, no cat would argue with that. At least, not while Firestar was around.

(Was it mentioned that she was the leader's daughter? That certainly helped her attain the position of most wanted she-cat in ThunderClan.)

So, meeting all of these criteria, it was no surprise that Ashfur took an interest in her. After the Sootfur fiasco, he'd promised himself, and Ferncloud, that he would stick to she-cats, though he couldn't help glancing at toms every now and then, feeling wistful.

Still, she was a pretty cat, and as he spent more and more time with her, he found himself growing closer to the she-cat. Closer than he'd ever expected to be with any cat. Close in a different way than he was close to Ferncloud. Close in a way that made his skin go hot and his paws tingle when she was around.

In a good way, of course.

But he was still young, and he was still stupid, and he should have realized that he would always be second best. He never saw it coming, what Squirrelflight would do. Brambleclaw was always lurking there, amber eyes glinting with anger, and a touch of jealousy, whenever he saw Squirrelflight and Ashfur together.

At the time, it made Ashfur want to leap for joy. His only competition was out of the way. Now if only he could get Squirrelflight to admit her undying love for him.

Which turned out to be a harder job than he would have imagined.

* * *

If he'd learned anything from the Sootfur fiasco, it was this: Never approach another cat and tell them outright that you're in love with them and expect them to feel the same way.

Well, with Squirrelflight, if possible, it got worse.

Maybe if he _had_ gone to her with that expectation, it would have been better. Maybe she would have accepted him, reluctantly put Brambleclaw in the back of her mind, and concentrated on Ashfur. Maybe they would have grown old together, trained apprentices together, had kits together.

Instead, he waited.

Some would blame Sootfur, for making him _too_ cautious. Some would blame Squirrelflight, for letting him believe that she truly cared about him the way he thought she did. And others would blame Ashfur himself, for having unreasonable expectations.

But really, you can't blame any of them. Sootfur didn't know that Ashfur was serious, and Squirrelflight didn't mean to hurt him. And on top of all this, Ashfur was always more childish than his denmates. Unreasonable expectations based on unreasonable feelings were something one had to learn to expect from him.

It was not a happy day for Ashfur when Squirrelflight gently tried to break the news to him. She told him that, as much as she wanted to be his friend, they would never be anything more than that. She loved Brambleclaw, she told him, and she wouldn't be able to feel that way for Ashfur, ever.

But though her words were gentle, all Ashfur heard was his world falling apart.

Was something wrong with him? he wondered. To be rejected by one cat was one thing, to be rejected by another was something completely different.

* * *

"Squirrelflight, please!" he begged. "Please! I love you!"

"No, you don't, Ashfur." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. Can we still be friends?" Her eyes were pleading, begging.

He wanted to throw up. He wanted to claw his own eyes out. Sootfur had denied his love. Now Squirrelflight was doing the same thing.

But he _did_ love her. He had loved Sootfur, too. He had loved them both, and she couldn't change that with a few words.

"Please, Ashfur. I don't want to fight. Can we be friends? Please?"

A cold fury suddenly wrapped around him, closing around his heart and feeling its way into every nook and cranny in his body from his ears to his paws to the tip of his tail.

Friends. After what she'd done to him, she wanted to be _friends_. How dare she? How dare she even suggest that, after all this?

"Please, Ashfur!"

"No."

His voice was a whisper, angry and hoarse.

She stared at him, green eyes wide with sorrow. "Ashfur, I –"

"Go away," he snarled. "Leave me alone. You can't possibly hurt me anymore than you already have."

"Ashfur—"

"Leave!" He met her gaze, his body trembling with anger. "I don't want to see your face ever again."

She stared at him, taking a step back. He stared right back, growling.

"Leave!"

She turned, whirling, and disappeared into the forest.

* * *

He'd learned the first lesson: caution.

This was how he learned the second lesson: Trust no one but yourself.


End file.
